There is No Right Way to Feel About This
by Color With Marker
Summary: Sequel to "On the Steps of the Courthouse". It has only been a year since Pietro's death, and Wanda is going to another funeral.


Wanda pats down the front of her dress and stared at her reflection in the vanity mirror. She is beginning to look sick again (probably from not eating anything in the last week). There are bags underneath her eyes that her concealer can't cover. Her fingernails are chewed to stumps, and she ended up peeling off her nail polish days ago so she wouldn't accidentally ingest it. There is a slight shake in her hands that comes up now and then. It acted up when she tried to shower this morning, making it very hard to grasp her soap bar. She feels tired no matter how much she slept.

She remembers last year, when Pietro died, that she had acted the same way. If Steve hadn't… no matter what, she would have been this way with or without the death. Pietro has been dead for a little more than a year, his anniversary being the day after…

There is a knock at her door. Wanda focuses on her reflection again, grimacing at the slightly uneven eyeliner and ignoring it in favor of greeting her guest. It's Vision. He is wearing the same colors, but now in the form of a formal suit and without the cape. It looks odd to see him without his usual bodysuit.

"Are you ready?" he asks.

"Not really," Wanda replies. She grabs her purse and locks the door behind her. They walk side-by-side down the hallway of her apartment building. The hall is littered with trash, propped-up bicycles, and stray toys from the neighbors' children. She has become used to walking around them, and Vision follows her lead. The elevator is still out of order, so they descend down three flights of stairs to the lobby. There's a car outside waiting for them, with a driver holding open the door.

"Thank you, Mister Hogan," Vision says. Wanda doesn't say anything. She vaguely recognizes him as Stark's driver and suppresses the anger that rises in her. Today is not the day to get angry. Today is for mourning and appreciating the friends she still has.

Sam Wilson is in the car as well. "Hey, guys," he greets them. Wanda has never seen him so… solemn? Sad? Heartbroken? Anything that is a far cry from who Sam Wilson is? She doesn't think she has ever seen him frown. Even when he spoke about his past partner Riley, he smiles at the memories of his friend, and even laughs if they're funny enough. Frowning is not in Sam Wilson's vocabulary.

"Hello," she replies. She likes Sam Wilson. He is a wonderful teammate and always put everyone before him. He helps her cope with the loss of Pietro. He is a friend.

"It's gonna be a long drive. The funeral is being held in DC. Some people flew out ahead of time. I didn't want to get in their way," Sam Wilson explains. Wanda knows he is lying. Stark and Romanov are the ones planning the funeral. They are the ones making the arrangements. She saw this on the news, being announced by President Ellis himself. He is expected to attend the funeral too. Steve's passing is a big deal in the nation, and in a few countries overseas like the UK and Sokovia.

"Who is all going?" she asks the men.

"Clint is coming out," Sam Wilson says. "The wife and kids are staying home and staying unknown to anyone outside the Avengers." Wanda's nose scrunches at the mention of the word _avengers_. It means nothing. They have been disbanded – partially by the government, partially by their own feud.

"I am not sure about Thor," Vision adds. "If his guardian is watching, then I am sure he knows."

Wanda nods. She decides she is done talking and leans against the door. They are about to enter the Lincoln Tunnel into New Jersey, meaning they had another four hours before reaching the capital. They most like won't stop anywhere for food or the bathroom. Which is fine. She is not hungry, nor has she eaten enough recently to want to go to the bathroom.

Instead, she thinks about Steve. She thinks about how this is all their fault, this civil war within the superhero community. Steve had said it wasn't their fault, that it was his enemy Crossbones who bombed the building, and not Wanda's fault for trying to lift the enemy away. Wanda pretended to accept that, but she was the one who elevated him right near the building, knowing fully well that he was armed with explosives. How was this not her fault?

New Jersey is a mix of crowded highways and clear roads in the middle of forests, and so is Delaware. Sam Wilson tries getting them into playing a game where they name everything they see from A to Z and seeing who can get to Z first. Vision makes it to X and is stuck on the rarely-used letter. Sam Wilson gets stuck on Q. Wanda half-heartedly goes on to K before taking a nap from Dover, DE to Bowie, MD. When she wakes up, she knows they are close and tries to wake herself up. She checks on her makeup in her compact mirror and fixes it so the eyeliner is less smudgy and more even.

Sam Wilson is on the phone with his friend Scott Lang. Scott Lang says Thor did come down from Asgard with a few friends, and they are asking the president if they can do a tradition from Asgardian funerals. Sam Wilson jokes about them casting Steve out to see on a pyre and lighting it with flaming arrows. Wanda doesn't find the humor in setting Steve on fire. Sam Wilson goes back to talking to Scott Lang. Stark, Romanov, Sharon Carter, Rhodes, Spider-Man, Barton, President Ellis, the US Military, and many WWII veterans are present. Maria Hill has yet to make an appearance. No one knows if Nick Fury will show up either. King T'Challa is minutes away from the funeral. Banner sends his condolences, but he cannot be there if the military is, and promises to find time to see the others when he can. He also says that if anyone asks, he's in Belarus. Wanda knows Banner is nowhere near Belarus.

Sam Wilson asks about Barnes. Wanda knows Scott Lang's answer before he says it: Barnes is not welcomed. The military and the president won't let him. King T'Challa's diplomatic immunity also keeps Barnes from the site. Stark has nothing to say, but he has as much reason as King T'Challa to turn Barnes away. Wanda knows that if Steve had something to say, he would have Barnes there too. Wanda thinks about visiting him and taking a few pictures and memorabilia for Barnes. It isn't fair for him to miss his best friend's funeral, no matter how much of a criminal he is.

They pull into the parking lot of a large cemetery and park behind a black car. Stark's driver opens the door for them. Wanda steps out first, then Vision, then Sam Wilson. Sam Wilson puts an arm around Wanda's shoulders with her permission and leads the way. Vision doesn't touch her, but makes it very clear he won't let anyone else near her by standing very close. Wanda doesn't mind. She wants to be left alone by the others. Maybe she will say hello to Barton, but no one else.

Steve's casket is closed and covered in an America flag. Wanda takes out her cellphone and turns of the sound and flash before getting a sneak picture. Romanov is standing in the background of it, but she knows Barnes won't mind that. He likes Romanov.

The priest leading the funeral is stoic. When he mentions that Steve was Catholic, Wanda tries to remember if Steve was ever openly religious. He did mention G-d now and then. He went with her to synagogue a few times and asked her to teach him the prayers in her Siddur. When he began picking up Hebrew, he asked why G-d wasn't pronounced the way it was spelled. They went to the rabbi for answers, because she did not know either. After her parents' deaths, she and Pietro were wary of the town synagogue. The pity and sympathy made them both uncomfortable. She wonders if Steve will ask G-d these questions too.

The priest continues to droll on, boring Wanda immensely. He gives the history of Steve, as if no one had to study him in school (or in Wanda's case, read his files from SHIELD). Then a war veteran speaks, calling himself Dum-Dum. He says he and his group, the 107th, worked with Steve very closely during the war. It was also Barnes' brigade. Wanda wonders if Dum-Dum wants Barnes here, and what Barnes would say if he was here.

An elderly woman speaks next, named Angie Martinelli. She says she's a friend of Peggy Carter, someone who Steve loved very dearly. She talks about how important Steve was to Peggy Carter, and all the troubles she went through to protect Steve while he was frozen for seventy years. Angie Martinelli also talks about how important Steve was to Stark's father, who helped "make Steve into the soldier he was".

Stark goes next and continues off of what Angie Martinelli says. He says his father and Peggy Carter always talked about Steve, and showed him everything they had about Steve to their name when he was growing up. He says Steve was the greatest person he knows, and he wishes that Steve died thinking that he isn't the worthless person Steve once believed him to be. Wanda wishes she can know too. She wishes to know what Steve thought of her.

Romanov declines to speak and gives her time over to Sam Wilson, who gladly accepts it with much persistence from the others. He talks about not having known Steve for that long, only for the last two years, but is glad that he met Steve, and that if he had never met Steve, he wouldn't be the man he is today. He then steps down and goes back to putting an arm around Wanda.

No one else is given the chance to speak. Wanda thinks Nick Fury would be allowed to speak if he came. But Nick Fury is hiding and isn't here to speak about Steve.

The military fires shots, and a small band plays music as Steve is lower into the ground. He is also saluted by the soldiers, and the president asks that they give a moment of silence for Steve.

Thor and his four Asgardian friends pass out little balls of light. It's warm in Wanda's hand, and she wants to take it home to play with, but she releases it into the air like everyone else.

Barton makes his way over and offers Wanda a hug. She gets to see a picture of his baby, now almost a year old. He is chubby and looks like Barton. She tells him she will visit the farm one day.

Wanda, Sam Wilson, and Vision leave before anyone else can talk to them. Sam Wilson tells Stark's driver to bring them to his house a few miles away. It's been a long day, and none of them are ready to go back to New York.

Wanda likes Sam Wilson's house. It's not too big, and it shows more depth into who Sam Wilson is. There are pictures of his brother, sister, two nephews, and niece. When Wanda points out one of the nephews, Jim, Sam Wilson tells her that he died a few years ago, and talks about Jim's HIV. Wanda offers her condolences. Sam Wilson seems to have lost many people he loves. She knows how that feels.

Wanda is given the spare bedroom, which has extra clothes from old girlfriends and Sam Wilson's sister for her to wear, and a bathroom for her to wash up in without worrying about him or Vision walking in on her. She thanks him, then turns down his dinner invitation. He looks ready to force her but lets her get away with it. He promises that she will eat breakfast in the morning.

Wanda washes her face, then jumps into the shower to let her mind clear. The steam makes her feel good. For attempting giggles, she uses her magic to play with the water and make them form little animals. They don't make her feel any better than before. She turns off the shower and sits in a towel on the bed. When it gets dark out, she finally gets dressed in tiny shorts and a long shirt. She lies on the bed and tries to force herself to sleep. Despite feeling exhausted, she cannot sleep. She ends up sitting by the window and staring at the sky. It's clear, and the moon is a crescent tonight. Airplanes fly overhead every now and then. Not many stars are visible.

There's a knock at the door. Wanda opens it with her magic without bothering to ask who is there. Guessing by the weight of the footsteps, it's Vision. "Good evening," she greets him. She keeps her gaze fixed out the window.

"I wanted to see how you are faring. You have been down all day," Vision says.

"There is no reason to be happy," Wanda replies. She turns to look at Vision. His eyes are glowing purple. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Do you feel anything?"

Vision sits down on her bed. He opens and closes his mouth, then twists his lips as he tries to find the right words. "I know how I should feel based on how others around me feel. Today, I felt sad because everyone around me was sad and no one was happy."

"But do you ever feel sad on your own?" Wanda asks. When Vision doesn't reply, she continues, "Do you feel sad because of Steve or Pietro? Do you feel sad because our team has been torn apart? Do you ever feel sad because you do not have a name?"

"I… I am not sure I understand," Vision says.

"Thor are things that would make people sad. Losing friends and family make people sad. Not being given a name makes people sad. Do these things not upset you?"

Vision's gaze moves to his feet. "I see," he says. "Good night, Wanda." He leaves the room and shuts the door behind him. Wanda isn't sure if she hurt him. She still isn't sure he feels. She goes back to staring at the moon.

In the morning, while she is forcing herself to eat buttered toast, Vision sits down across from her and says, "Victor Shade."

Wanda finishes chewing and swallowing the bite in her mouth. "Sorry, what?" she asks.

"Last night, when you asked me if I was sad about not having a name, I decided that I should have a name. I looked through many dictionaries and baby-naming books before settling on a name. I am Victor Shade," Vision explains.

"Well, good for you, man," Sam Wilson says from the stove, where he is frying bacon and cooking a vegetable omelet. "Not many people choose their own names. I'm glad you picked one you like."

"Thank you, Sam," Vision says. He looks at the toast in Wanda's hand. "I see you are eating today. It is a good start, right?"

Wanda looks at the bread in her hand. She is about halfway through the slice. It's more than she has eaten in the last three days. "Yes, it is a good start," Wanda agrees. She sees Sam Wilson smiling to himself by the stove. She decides that if anything, she is eating for Sam Wilson and Vision – Victor Shade so they won't worry too much about her. A moment later, she decides she is also eating for Pietro and Steve's sakes.

She wonders if they already found each other in Heaven, and if G-d finds them as wonderful as she does.


End file.
